Dear Recruiter,

Thank you for contacting me, but unfortunately I am not interested in a full-time job. There is no way in hell you'll find me in an office nine-to-five Monday-to-Friday. I've been there, done that, and it was a living nightmare.

No, you don't need to circle back in three months to see if my situation has changed. I'm not available for employment, and I never will be.

Yes, I understand that the position offers benefits. My position offers many more benefits. I can work whenever I want, wherever I want, and for whomever I want. I can have a two-hour nap in the middle of the afternoon if I want to. I can go out with my wife for three hours on a random morning. I can pick up my children from school and go to a playground.

You think it's cool that you have a daily standup meeting at 10am? I haven't had a meeting in months. I have nothing work-related in my calendar at all. I talk to my clients over email. Sometimes I ask them for a phone call, and I'm always happy to hear their voices. They leave me alone to do my best work and they never give me deadlines. They have no expectations for me on any given day. They trust that I'll make good, steady progress every week. They know that in an emergency, I'll drop everything to help them.

Your company is offering a competitive salary? I make more than that working part-time. I raise my rates every few years and simply let my clients know. Sometimes they choose to stop working with me, which is sad. But it's okay because I have other clients who happily pay more. It's not as tragic as your upcoming layoffs would have been.

Your company has management opportunities? Sounds terrible. I work one-on-one with business owners who I've worked with for decades. We trust each other and have become good friends. I understand what they want and need, and the trade-offs they're willing to make. There's no game of telephone trying to guess what upper management wants. No waiting for approval from board meetings. No politics at all.

Your company will pay for me to move to another city? You must be joking. I work from my home, and I always will. Well, sometimes I choose to work on an airplane, or in a waiting room, or in a coffee shop. One place you'll never find me is at a desk in an office building.

So no, I'll never be interested in joining your growing team. I'm in a very happy long-term relationship with my clients. There's no way I'm going to leave them high-and-dry to become a cog in your machine.

I wish you good luck on your search. And I wish all the best to whomever you manage to enslave.

Sincerely,
Jesse Skinner
Freelance Web Developer